Where?/ When? Start to prepare for independance with food?

So I have been asked when and how do I start to get my child ready to shop on his own and cook food? Well, my answer would be when you start at an early age to show them how to wipe their face, clean up their messes and stuff like that. I remember wondering if Tim would ever eat without making a huge mess. Would he ever notice the food that fell on the table or floor or on himself? These are the starts of training for adulthood. We do it for all of our children but we must do it more specifically with our child with a disability. I remember putting peanut  butter on his face near his lips to try and get him to "feel" his own face. We practiced looking in the mirror and wiping his own face and sending him back over and over again as he had missed the spot.
   As I look back, all of that was part of his going grocery shopping on his own.
When to start? now... no matter how old your child. When they drop something quickly bring it to their attention and have them do something about it or at least look and be aware of what happened. Give affirmation when they finish a meal and their clothes are clean. Have them get down from the table and examine the floor with you and see how they did. Help them to make a sandwich and do it well with the mayo all the way to the edges, don't settle for just in the middle. And have you taught them to put everything away after they make the sandwich and wipe off the counter? Often child with disabilities set patterns as they do things and it is hard to change a pattern you let get started so make them do it right the first time. and...
        As I write this, I am making myself tired! Yes, it does take extra time and effort on your part and no, you can't think the school is going to do it. So as my dear friend Debbie would say, "Just suck it up and do it!"
       Until we teach them to do it right in the little things they will never be able to cook successfully and independently.
        It is so easy to do it for them! it is easier on me! But I must continue to help Tim be ready to live without me with him.
         Now, if you have read this all the way to the end you need to hear my confession.... I have not done it right all the time and I still get tired even with him being 29 years old. So I say he has graduated and I feel successful.... well, my 34 year old son is visiting and we ran out of lunch meat so he went down to Tim's apartment and asked to borrow some and Tim was glad to share with his big brother..... when Dave opened it there was mold..... :-(    Just so you know I am still pressing on as well.
          I am going to give a prize to Tim every time I visit and find no spoiled food in his frig. :-)

graduation for Tim in meal preparation!!!!

Congratulations Tim! Yes, it is a graduation of sorts, because Tim is no longer going shopping with me or asking me for help with his shopping lists..... he has a job coach that is helping him transition into doing it "ALL BY HIMSELF"!  this is exciting for Timothy and ME! Yes, let's be honest, it has much to do with my willingness to help him and push him and cheer him on.
     You might be wondering how did we celebrate? Well, first of all he applied for his own Safeway card and our wonderful cashier, Lulu, who has worked with us through all the transitions, was there to shake his hand and help him go through the line the first time without me! Then there was the family celebration where we has a special dinner and toast and praised Tim for all his hard work to reach this goal. They the day "Robert" came to take Tim out shopping without me and I waved to him as he left. The smile on Tim's face was worth it all!
        OK, so now I have to tell you what happened just yesterday as it reminds me of the wave effect. I have always reminded myself and other parents with children who have DS that the learning curve seems to be more like a an ocean wave that comes in and make a huge impression and statement like when Tim would learn a new skill, word, or ability.  Then the next day, he couldn't do it, say it or perform it..... like a wave that went back out to sea leaving no trace that it was there.  It was most frustrating as a parent of a young child, who I so badly wanted to be ahead or at least not so far behind.  So I am now going to be honest that I had the feeling of this graduation going out to sea and fear of having to start over! :-(
          I find out that Tim took some of his DVDs to his place of employment and was asking people to please buy them from his as he was in need of money. I was mortified! After much questioning and circles of thought trying to understand Tim's motivation.... it appears he spent almost $100 on food yesterday and was worried that he was running out of money. It made me smile as I realized we had not taught or set a line that would mean you are in trouble. So we talked and decided that it would be $300. When he gets that low in his checking account he should talk to mom.  :-)   Now you must realize that Tim is very thrifty and keeps track of his money to the penny! And he has  hundreds in his checking right now.  And he explained to me that his goal is a thousand and so he did not want to buy food!  So we have another goal to set of understanding when it is right to spend money on food!  I hope this made you laugh or at least smile.

food shopping/ menu planning/ cooking: preparing and clean up!

Well, this is a huge subject and for years it overwhelmed me.... I did not know how I was ever going to transfer all the tasks associated with eating over to my son Timothy.  He is 29 and I have been working on certain meals that he could prepare all by himself and for year we have talked about the importance of eating a balanced meal with veggies and fiber.... but how to turn him loose and still feel good about him being able to live alone.

So over a year ago we went away for a vacation with the huge purpose of setting up four weeks of full menus for Tim and his friend Kevin. They like mostly the same things but there are differences. Tim wants to live alone without a roommate so meal planning is hard when you are only cooking for one unless, like Tim you are fine with eating leftovers!  :-)

You will see in the other posts a menu and then a shopping list for week #3.  You will also see another skill that is very hard to learn as it is so subjective and that is whether your food is spoiled or still eatable.  You will notice that there is a place for perishable things to write the date so they can learn how to know when to throw somethings away. Also Tim cooks his big meals on Monday and Tuesdays with the hope that he will use them up before the end of the week at which time he should throw out the food.

We have not arrived.... but we are striving..... it was very hard work to get this set up..... but it was and is worth it!   So where are you at on this project? Are you still teaching they must eat their vegetables? Are you starting to teach simple cooking skills like eggs or harder like browning hamburger? Or have you found a better way to accomplish independence for the adult in your life? please share!!!

Menu for two weeks

ordering at a fast food restaurant

Here is another picture in my mind that hurts as well as makes me feel proud. We are in a fast food restaurant and we have been working up to this day. We have been going with the goal of Tim ordering on his own. It is not a matter of Tim knowing what he wants but being able to communicate that to the stranger at the cash register. So where did we start? Well when he was 14 we starting finding his favorite items on the menu and writing them down and taking them home and we practiced just those words and phrases until they were understandable by strangers. We had friends who came to visit be our testers. Tim would recite his order and we held our breath to see if they could decipher and tell us what he had said. It was hard work for Tim and he enjoyed it as we would go and “practice” at a restaurant with me by his side to help and correct. We worked through all the little questions that you are asked when you place an order; have you ever counted them!

              Back to that fateful day, I had butterflies as I wondered if he was ready but I had to push him if I wanted to help him be more independent. We arrived at his favorite place and I placed a $10 bill in his hand and told him to go get in line. Like a deer with headlights in his eyes, my son was frozen with fear. Fear of being rejected, fear of not being understood; fear of being made fun of….  But I loved him and my goal for him is independence I reminded myself as I wasn’t sure how to react. “No, I can’t” was his heartfelt cry. I wanted to leave and forget this stupid idea as I was scared too. But I looked at him and said he had to do it or we would not be eating out. “OK, we go home now” was Tim’s response. I stood a long moment getting my resolve strong. “No, this is your day to be successful and I know you can do it”, I heard myself say with no real conviction in my heart as it could really depend on the cashier as to how willing she would be to help my fragile son be successful. I stood with him in line and he was feeling better. When it was his turn, he looked up at me and with the strongest smile I could muster I told him he could do it and walked away to “hide” from the employee’s eyes. I am sure many that day felt I was mean and heartless to both my son and the stranger trying to take his order. I too felt mean and hard but I had to remember my goals for him and that I won’t be around forever to do for him. Besides he feels such pride when he is able to do things on his own. I stayed hidden until Tim came to find me with the change. He still seemed nervous and not happy and we waited for his number to be called. He left the table alone and returned with the biggest smile on his face as he carried the tray. He had won! We had won a huge battle!

              I want you to know my goals have to stay in the front of my mind always or I would take the easy way out. My main goal is that Tim would enjoy life and be able to make independent decisions for himself. 

         So now I ask YOU, if you are a parent or caregiver or friend, could you help someone become more independent in this area? Should you for  the benefit of your child?  Do you want to? Are you willing to make a plan to get to this goal?  Will you? So start on the adventure or pat yourself on the back and say "Congratulations, we have accomplished this goal!"  

   Tim is now able to go along to a restaurant and order. {I must admit that combos listed with numbers makes it lots easier!}  Let's all keep running the adventure!