Help I am choking!! 911

This happened yesterday afternoon...


I answer the phone and it is "Star," the director of  HI-GEAR, which is a community based arts and recreation program which takes place after work hours and on weekends through the WATCH day program. Timothy loves this program! He had signed up for a movie and dinner out.


I am shocked at the words, "I called 911 and the ambulance is taking Timothy to the hospital as he is choking on a piece of pretzel."  I tell her to tell Tim I am on my way and will meet him at the hospital. I am in shock and many emotions are flying through my mind as I make my body stop what I am doing and head to the car. First and foremost I pray that God will keep Tim safe and free the pretzel from his throat. I have the thoughts of how horrible it would be to lose my dear son. Emotions of love, care and getting to his side immediately flow fast and furiously through my head and heart.


But I must admit that others emotions are coming too: like failure, because he has done this before and I should have taught him better so he didn't do this again. And the paralyzing emotion of  fear. Is this the start of another season of this happening more often?  Embarrassment that people will judge me as a bad mom. I know this is unfounded, but I want to honestly share my heart in hopes that it will encourage you.


I am reminded of the waves of the ocean and the tide coming in. Timothy learns things like that. He gets a new concept and he and I love the feeling of success then the next day I am talking to him again about the same thing that I thought we had mastered. Letting him fly is not as easy as it was with my other two children. Letting go is hard work! I must remember the progress I see and keep going on the journey. 


So I arrive at emergency and I am hit with questions that turn my stomach about his insurance and who is responsible for him.  "Can't I just see my son?" is what my heart screams but I dutifully answer the questions and then think to mention he is conserved. Not sure why I did it but thought it might get me in sooner.


I open the door and walk in to find Timothy sitting on a stretcher in the hall. He is still suffering but no longer is there saliva flowing from his mouth and the gurgling sound is only faint. I have a flash back to being in the emergency room before for the same thing....get him to relax. So I start talking to him about his day and his ride in an ambulance, about the movie he had started to watch and the nice guys from the ambulance that were writing up the report. Before long he was starting to talk and the perspiration and panic was leaving his face. It ended up being a fun part of our journey in life together! 


But the strange thing is that I was right back at the last wave of this and it felt like yesterday. Just now as I am writing this I am figuring it out and I think it was when Tim was 12 or younger. That would be 17 years ago, I am shocked as I write this, where have the years gone!? But I must be thankful that it has been 17 years since he has choked so bad that he had to go to the hospital and at least 5 years since he has had an episode that I am aware of.  So the truth is positive! Timothy is doing better at chewing his food!  


So what is the next right thing for me today? First, I need to have a learning talk with Timothy about chewing all his food, and about not eating fast when he is hungry or distracted by watching movies. Second, since we have conservator-ship of Timothy; I need to take copies to the hospital in case he ever has an accident that I need to help him make life or death medical decisions. I hadn't thought about that until last night. Thirdly, and most importantly, Timothy has made huge progress in chewing his food and not getting things stuck in his throat!!!  Now on to the next steps in living life to the fullest!  :-)