Downtown Life Skills Home

I have not written as we moved ahead and it has been more than busy!

In November 2012 we were licensed with the state of Ca. and vendored with Regional Center to open an adult residential facility for 6.  There was a need and we filled up fast!
    We, Buck and I, are doing what we have always done helping people be all they can be. We are working on life skills for ourselves and the residents. We are still assisting our son Tim who loves living on his own as well as Kevin, who lived with us for 9 years. Kevin happens to have Down syndrome also. Tim and Kevin graduated and 6 others came to learn and grow.
     It is super draining and time consuming but even more rewarding as we see people enjoying life, growing in their life skills, feeling loved, proud of themselves and laughing.... lots of laughing!
     I have time to write as I have an unexpected 2 hours home alone!  Yes, I have much more I should be doing but I needed to catch you up.
           May you be encouraged. 
                   May you to keep doing the next right thing in your life, whatever that may be for YOU.

Tim turns 30 (part 2)

Well, it happened.... and Tim loves it and I feel pretty good about it. Yes, he did it, he moved out! I believe our gracious Heavenly Father opened the right doors as he did not move down the street where I could see his apartment but I see God's hand in this farther away place.
   So yesterday as I was picking Tim up for an outing with us, he appeared from the apartment complex with his dirty laundry! He said he did not want to use his quarters and so he wanted to come visit after our outing and do his laundry like he learned from his sister when she lived away at college. I smiled.
   I helped Tim make some invites as he is having an open house/house warming this coming Saturday and he is very excited to show his friends his new place.
      I  feel emotions that flow both directions as I want to warn him about people who would take advantage of him and I want him to make new friends and be neighborly.
       So at age 30 Tim has reached another goal. Wasn't it just yesterday that our goal was to walk and talk? I am so proud of him.... it brings tears to my eyes and joy in my heart.
   So what is our next goal? Well, right now it is to get......
No, right now it is to enjoy the moment! I am helping my son with his own open house. :-)

I think I will give him a roll of quarters for his house warming gift!

socialization

socialization..... oh, how I hurt when I hear that word! And I saw it again this past summer at a park in Santa Cruz. 
    There I was with my dear grandchildren and not thinking about the separate world I live in with my other son Tim.... until I saw him... a young man playing basketball all by himself and I knew as I watched him that he had Down syndrome. I thought about just walking by as I had on my hat of "Nana" and not my "advocate for people with Down syndrome" hat... But I bet you can guess what I did?
      I went up to the man with the young man and introduced myself and talked with him thinking he was the father. "Oh, no, he corrected. I am just a friend/mentor."  As I walked away I was reminded how much it takes to be a parent, the sacrifice, the ownership, the hard-work and so much more. The man cared, yes, I think to a degree, but not like a parent.
     So I wanted to thank each of you that reads this and is a parent. Thank you for giving of yourself, your dreams and so much more to be all you can be your your child. 
  God bless you,
       Humbly yours,
                  Sue

They want to use their wings!!!!

yes, my guys want to use their wings... yes, I know that was my goal to help them develop wings to fly.... but I thought the small studio apartments would be their flying... but no, they both "really" want to do a solo flight... yes, without ME! and without each other!!! I am shocked and yet is not this what I have worked for????  Below is my heart felt letter I sent out to have people praying as we move ahead with their "30 year old goals".. more to come!

Hello dear friends and family,

              Writing to ask you to join us in prayer as we enter another adventure in our lives.  Tim, who most of you have known since his birth, is turning 30 this year. Where have the years gone?!  But you all know there have been struggles and triumphs that have brought tears to our eyes and joy to our hearts and Tim has taught us so much.  We know we would not be the Christians we are if God had not given him to us. 

              So here is the next step: Tim wants to move out.  He has been talking about not really being content here for some time now.  We thought this was the “perfect” home for him and yet after 5 years of training and supervision he wants his own one bedroom apartment.  Tears are filling my eyes as I write this as it again brings both emotions: happy and successful that Tim is being like all adult children and wanting his complete independence and hasn’t this been our goals for decades?  So as he spreads his wings and flies away I have a heart struggle. I want him to be safe and protected and I hear God speaking in my ear, “I will be his God.” 

              Will he make it? Isn’t it too expensive for his budget? Where? When? Kevin wants the same thing and Buck and I cannot talk them into getting an apartment together.  So we support them and help them and leave the door open to come back.  We want Tim to be content and maybe he will fly away for a time and come back or he will go and God will show Himself stronger than I have faith for right now.  The first step is his meeting today with a regional center worker where he will tell her his desire and see where that leads.

              So, I have no answers just tears are flowing and I need you all to be praying with us and for us.  This is a good thing and the right move and at least he is looking at downtown Sonora and not far away.   We want to give a big thank you to each of you who have walked beside us over the three decades of his life; we could not have raised him without you.

Grateful that we can have you join us in the next adventure,

Sue & Buck

Ps please do not call with questions…. I have no answers…. But God will guide us, of that we are sure!  J

Tim turns 30 (part one)

  

It is 2012.... How did that happen?!?!   Do you know what that means?   My "baby", turns 30 in just a couple of months......    

Now that is big in our family as each child’s 20^th birthday was a big one and then the 25^th and then the next big one is 30.  So what do we do to celebrate this year?  And even more important what is the next big adventure for Tim?

Timothy looked forward to age 25 as we told him when he turned 20 that the next big adventure was moving out at 25…. Then it came and I was sure he wasn’t ready any more than I was. But we had made the commitment and so we bought a house in downtown Sonora where Tim could have his own apartment under us.  Nice for all! He has become very independent and Mom could still be his mentor.

Well, guess what? After 5 years of this “perfect” situation as far as we can tell, Tim wants to move out into his own apartment: shock!  But then I think of my other grown children and they would want to do that too.  So we have given him our blessing to “look into it”.  But I can’t stop him as my goal has been "as independent as possible" and so we try knowing he could move back if it doesn’t work out. 

For those of you who have read more blogs, you know that Kevin has been part of our family as a son for 9 years now.  He has a matching studio apartment next to Tim’s and he too wants to move out. Another big shocker: they do not want to move in together! They each want their separate places.

Ok, I am sure many of you are having lots of questions flying through your mind as am I. How are they going to afford this? Will they be safe? Will they miss me?

So as I start this adventure of 2012 I wanted to start telling you about it and will keep you posted.  

                                                

Where?/ When? Start to prepare for independance with food?

So I have been asked when and how do I start to get my child ready to shop on his own and cook food? Well, my answer would be when you start at an early age to show them how to wipe their face, clean up their messes and stuff like that. I remember wondering if Tim would ever eat without making a huge mess. Would he ever notice the food that fell on the table or floor or on himself? These are the starts of training for adulthood. We do it for all of our children but we must do it more specifically with our child with a disability. I remember putting peanut  butter on his face near his lips to try and get him to "feel" his own face. We practiced looking in the mirror and wiping his own face and sending him back over and over again as he had missed the spot.
   As I look back, all of that was part of his going grocery shopping on his own.
When to start? now... no matter how old your child. When they drop something quickly bring it to their attention and have them do something about it or at least look and be aware of what happened. Give affirmation when they finish a meal and their clothes are clean. Have them get down from the table and examine the floor with you and see how they did. Help them to make a sandwich and do it well with the mayo all the way to the edges, don't settle for just in the middle. And have you taught them to put everything away after they make the sandwich and wipe off the counter? Often child with disabilities set patterns as they do things and it is hard to change a pattern you let get started so make them do it right the first time. and...
        As I write this, I am making myself tired! Yes, it does take extra time and effort on your part and no, you can't think the school is going to do it. So as my dear friend Debbie would say, "Just suck it up and do it!"
       Until we teach them to do it right in the little things they will never be able to cook successfully and independently.
        It is so easy to do it for them! it is easier on me! But I must continue to help Tim be ready to live without me with him.
         Now, if you have read this all the way to the end you need to hear my confession.... I have not done it right all the time and I still get tired even with him being 29 years old. So I say he has graduated and I feel successful.... well, my 34 year old son is visiting and we ran out of lunch meat so he went down to Tim's apartment and asked to borrow some and Tim was glad to share with his big brother..... when Dave opened it there was mold..... :-(    Just so you know I am still pressing on as well.
          I am going to give a prize to Tim every time I visit and find no spoiled food in his frig. :-)

graduation for Tim in meal preparation!!!!

Congratulations Tim! Yes, it is a graduation of sorts, because Tim is no longer going shopping with me or asking me for help with his shopping lists..... he has a job coach that is helping him transition into doing it "ALL BY HIMSELF"!  this is exciting for Timothy and ME! Yes, let's be honest, it has much to do with my willingness to help him and push him and cheer him on.
     You might be wondering how did we celebrate? Well, first of all he applied for his own Safeway card and our wonderful cashier, Lulu, who has worked with us through all the transitions, was there to shake his hand and help him go through the line the first time without me! Then there was the family celebration where we has a special dinner and toast and praised Tim for all his hard work to reach this goal. They the day "Robert" came to take Tim out shopping without me and I waved to him as he left. The smile on Tim's face was worth it all!
        OK, so now I have to tell you what happened just yesterday as it reminds me of the wave effect. I have always reminded myself and other parents with children who have DS that the learning curve seems to be more like a an ocean wave that comes in and make a huge impression and statement like when Tim would learn a new skill, word, or ability.  Then the next day, he couldn't do it, say it or perform it..... like a wave that went back out to sea leaving no trace that it was there.  It was most frustrating as a parent of a young child, who I so badly wanted to be ahead or at least not so far behind.  So I am now going to be honest that I had the feeling of this graduation going out to sea and fear of having to start over! :-(
          I find out that Tim took some of his DVDs to his place of employment and was asking people to please buy them from his as he was in need of money. I was mortified! After much questioning and circles of thought trying to understand Tim's motivation.... it appears he spent almost $100 on food yesterday and was worried that he was running out of money. It made me smile as I realized we had not taught or set a line that would mean you are in trouble. So we talked and decided that it would be $300. When he gets that low in his checking account he should talk to mom.  :-)   Now you must realize that Tim is very thrifty and keeps track of his money to the penny! And he has  hundreds in his checking right now.  And he explained to me that his goal is a thousand and so he did not want to buy food!  So we have another goal to set of understanding when it is right to spend money on food!  I hope this made you laugh or at least smile.