Here is another picture in my mind that hurts as well as makes me feel proud. We are in a fast food restaurant and we have been working up to this day. We have been going with the goal of Tim ordering on his own. It is not a matter of Tim knowing what he wants but being able to communicate that to the stranger at the cash register. So where did we start? Well when he was 14 we starting finding his favorite items on the menu and writing them down and taking them home and we practiced just those words and phrases until they were understandable by strangers. We had friends who came to visit be our testers. Tim would recite his order and we held our breath to see if they could decipher and tell us what he had said. It was hard work for Tim and he enjoyed it as we would go and “practice” at a restaurant with me by his side to help and correct. We worked through all the little questions that you are asked when you place an order; have you ever counted them!
Back to that fateful day, I had butterflies as I wondered if he was ready but I had to push him if I wanted to help him be more independent. We arrived at his favorite place and I placed a $10 bill in his hand and told him to go get in line. Like a deer with headlights in his eyes, my son was frozen with fear. Fear of being rejected, fear of not being understood; fear of being made fun of…. But I loved him and my goal for him is independence I reminded myself as I wasn’t sure how to react. “No, I can’t” was his heartfelt cry. I wanted to leave and forget this stupid idea as I was scared too. But I looked at him and said he had to do it or we would not be eating out. “OK, we go home now” was Tim’s response. I stood a long moment getting my resolve strong. “No, this is your day to be successful and I know you can do it”, I heard myself say with no real conviction in my heart as it could really depend on the cashier as to how willing she would be to help my fragile son be successful. I stood with him in line and he was feeling better. When it was his turn, he looked up at me and with the strongest smile I could muster I told him he could do it and walked away to “hide” from the employee’s eyes. I am sure many that day felt I was mean and heartless to both my son and the stranger trying to take his order. I too felt mean and hard but I had to remember my goals for him and that I won’t be around forever to do for him. Besides he feels such pride when he is able to do things on his own. I stayed hidden until Tim came to find me with the change. He still seemed nervous and not happy and we waited for his number to be called. He left the table alone and returned with the biggest smile on his face as he carried the tray. He had won! We had won a huge battle!
I want you to know my goals have to stay in the front of my mind always or I would take the easy way out. My main goal is that Tim would enjoy life and be able to make independent decisions for himself.
So now I ask YOU, if you are a parent or caregiver or friend, could you help someone become more independent in this area? Should you for the benefit of your child? Do you want to? Are you willing to make a plan to get to this goal? Will you? So start on the adventure or pat yourself on the back and say "Congratulations, we have accomplished this goal!"
Tim is now able to go along to a restaurant and order. {I must admit that combos listed with numbers makes it lots easier!} Let's all keep running the adventure!
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